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The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship of all.

When we realise that the relationship that we’ve been having with ourselves is toxic, we become aware that many of our relationships with other people are mirrored and take on similar patterns. You cannot have a healthy relationship with anyone whilst you harbour a toxic relationship with self.

The belief that you are good enough isn’t something that anyone can give you. It starts by becoming aware of the problem - developing self-awareness. Then we can observe and reframe the relationship by changing our thoughts and behaviour. 

When you carry around the message that you don’t believe that you’re enough, you will create obstacles for yourself.

Most of this conditioning stems from our parents, and their parents, and is handed down from generation to generation, until the day that you wake up to it and realise that this is not a helpful set of beliefs and that it serves noone. It is then that you can break the 'tradition' and refuse to pass it on.

Being kind to ourselves is something that we find challenging. The belief that we aren’t good enough is deeply entrenched in our psyche, but, it is possible to change how we process external messaging and challenge unhelpful beliefs. Once we recognise an unhelpful belief, we can then start to unravel the many layers of emotional conditioning that are the triggers and causes of our emotional pain and suffering.

Why not start the love affair of your life today? A love affair with yourself!

Below is a poem read by Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday - he was a man who had a very hard start to life and had his demons. It was originally written by Kim McMillen:

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!

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Stop judging yourself
by what happens to your in life, so you're not basing your confidence on outside events.
Forgive yourself
and others for past mistakes. Harbouring old grudges takes up a lot of time and energy which you could be using in more productive ways.
Learn to think differently
When you fall into self-criticism, notice them and change them to positive thoughts.
Set goals/outcomes
on the basis of what you can realistically achieve, and then work step-by-step to develop your potential. Acknowledge small achievements which take you closer to your end outcome.
Emphasise your strengths
Focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot.
self-confidence and self-esteem are learnt behaviour, and with practice can be built.